Whole 30, 50 Milers, & Versed

Recently a coworker told me about the Whole 30 Program, which is essentially a way of eating that cuts out grains, dairy, sugar, and processed foods and is comprised of meats, seafood, eggs, veggies, some fruits, and healthy fats. The developers of the program claim that 30 days of eating as outlined can increase energy, solve sleep issues, increase performance, and cure skin issues among many other things. Since my dermatologist recently suggested I cut out milk and sugar in an attempt to treat my hormonal acne, I figured I would give this 30 day program a shot. It seems pretty strict, but I need to work on my willpower, and anything to give me energy would be awesome. I foresee some struggles since AB eats anything and everything, but maybe I can get him to at least meet me half way. I went ahead and purchased the book "It Starts With Food" even though the website lays everything out in PDF files (what can I say? I'm a book whore). The reviews for the book are 99% good so it's hard to argue that! AB and I are headed to the lake one more time this weekend with his family so I will plan on starting this coming Monday.

One of the things that helps me with running is getting motivation from "real" runners' blogs. There's a list of blogs that I frequent on the right side of this one and I recommend all of them. Last night I was browsing them before bed and discovered that one of the bloggers- Runner's Rambles- is currently training for her (second) 50 mile race. Holy crap- I have trouble running 2 miles and this chick can run 50! I couldn't help but read about her first 50 mile race and surprisingly I wanted to go straight out and try to run as far as I could (which at this point means I might make it to 2.5). Unfortunately, it was 11pm so I would have to bottle my sudden burst of motivation for another day. I have absolutely no intention of ever trying to run 50 miles, but it definitely makes me want to try for a half-marathon if anything. Tomorrow morning I'm trying for 1.5 miles and although I'm increasing my distance slowly, I'm determined not to injure myself.

On the topic of blogs, another coworker today showed me a blog that an RN writes and I have to say it is one of the FUNNIEST things I have ever read. This person types a caption and then follows it with an animated clip that describes the caption. If you're not a nurse it won't be as entertaining, but if you are one then there's absolutely no way you won't have a sore stomach from laughing so hard. I give the author crazy props for being so creative.

Patient Stories:

Pt: Are you new?
Me: Yes sir, it's my first day. (It was not my first day by any means)
Pt: Really? You seem to know what you're doing. 
Me: Thanks. You're my first patient.
Pt: I never would have guessed. You must be bright.
Me: I have my moments.
Pt: Are you nervous?
Me: Nah, my shift is almost over. You're still alive so I'm optimistic that my second day will be even better.
(Pt had a sense of humor and I knew this before we had this conversation. Just FYI)

Pt: I need to go to the bathroom.
Me: I'll get you a urinal.
Pt: I need to do a deuce.
Me: I'll get you a bedpan.
Pt: No, I need to get up.
Me: You just had surgery, you're not getting up.
Pt: Well I'm not going in the bed.
Me: You're right- you're going in a bedPAN.
Pt: I'm getting up.
Me: That's not going to happen.
Pt: But I need to use the bathroom.
Me: So I'll get you a bedpan.
Pt: You're saying you won't let me get up.
Me: I'm saying you have 2 options- 1 is getting on a bedpan and 2 is holding it.
Pt: I'll hold it.
(2 minutes later)
Pt: I need to get up and go to the bathroom.
(Repeat above conversation. Sometimes I actually DON'T like Versed)

PNA's and Stuff

Today was the typical busy Thursday; I swear they're so rough because the golf courses are closed and the surgeons have nothing else to do. All of my patients were pretty good though so I can't complain too much.

So all summer we've had 3 PNA's on our unit- I have no clue what PNA means but they're basically nursing students doing a summer externship before their senior year of nursing school. I had 1 PNA with me for much of the past month- I'd like to think I taught her a lot (good and bad), and I KNOW I let her do a lot, so I will definitely miss her presence. I was a little perturbed earlier this week to find out that my unit hadn't planned anything for their good-bye, so I convinced my manager to pick-up a cake for them today. I had a beach scene put on it along with "Good Luck Carrie, Lauren, & China" and it was a big sugary hit (damn me for giving up sugar).

The PNA that was with me the most (far right) was sweet enough to give me a "Thank You" card with a Cheesecake Factory gift card. Score; I knew she was awesome.

This picture I just thought was funny, and true, because it's totally my cat:

Patient Stories From Today:

Patient lifts up sheet and looks down towards his feet.
Pt: Um, what is that???
Me: That would be your penis dude. Basic anatomy.
He was actually referring to the pillow between his legs but it got a good laugh.

After asking me what I majored in the first time in college I asked my pt what his was.
Pt: I majored in white girls.
Me: Really? How did that work out for you?
Pt: Apparently not too well- just ask my 2.5 ex-wives.
True story. I didn't bother asking about the 0.5 wife.

Patient comes out of the OR and has a massive black eye (non-surgery related).
Me: So what happened to your eye?
Pt: My wife beat the shit out of me.
Me: That sucks. Did you deserve it?
Pt: Probably. She doesn't take any crap.
And a little while later...
Me: I have to pull this line out of your artery. To make sure it stops bleeding I have to hold pressure on your wrist for several minutes, so if the silence gets awkward just make some small talk.
Pt: Make love what?
Me: Your wife is sitting right here.
Pt: She's old, she can't see crap anyways.
I think I would have laughed if she had popped his other eye.

Actually, it goes on forever. People on anesthesia meds can be the funniest thing ever. It's a shame HIPAA is such a pain in the butt because YouTube would blow up with the craziness if it weren't.