Sunday, November 27, 2011


Tomorrow I finally go back to work, and I admit it's hard to get motivated after being off since last Tuesday. I already posted about how Thanksgiving went (awesome) and not TOO much has happened since then. Friday AB and I recovered from the previous day, and got some cleaning done. Saturday we took the dogs to Umstead for a 3 mile walk and then went to his parents house for dinner. It was our sister-in-law's birthday and since her, AB's brother, and 3 kids are only in NC about every 6 months, it was nice to get some quality time in with them.

When we left his parents house late Saturday night, we went by the emergency vet to pick up Harrison's ashes. I had my last cat (Callie) cremated and they returned her ashes in a plastic box within a velvet bag with a copy of the Rainbow Bridge story in it. I was expecting about the same thing. The tech handed me a green gift bag and AB and I went back out to the car. Once in the car I opened the bag and inside was a BEAUTIFUL wooden box that had a metal plate for engraving with it. The crematorium had also put a card in there for us along with a sprig of rosemary. The best surprise though was that they had also done an imprint of Harrison's paw on a small round plaster ornament with his name scratched into it and a bow at the top. Needless to say I broke down in tears and cried most of the way home. When we pulled up in the driveway what did I find but the photo book of Harrison I had made last week sitting on the front porch. Somehow I managed to get his ashes returned and the book of photos exactly one week after he left us. I still miss that cat with all my heart, and I think Indy goes through brief times when he does too (as evidenced by his wandering around the house howling).

Today AB and I slept in and then went out to see my parents for a little while. My mom was trying to get some Christmas decorating done and my dad was just piddling around. It was a nice little visit, but unfortunately I was unusually tired and couldn't contribute to much. We came back home this evening, made an attempt to pull out our decorations, and then sat on our butts in front of the TV instead. I'm hoping for more energy tomorrow.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

And... went wonderfully. Everyone got along, the weather was warm and sunny, the food was fabulous, and my sister-in-law even brought me a sympathy gift. Very sweet. I'm incredibly thankful for my wonderful family, friends, and pets. I hope everyone else's day was just as good.

Happy Thanksgiving

Wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving with good eating, safe travels, and quality time with family and friends.

I will be premedicating this never-ending stomach ache with Pepto and Pepcid so that I can at least enjoy some fried turkey. :-)

Tuesday, November 22, 2011


It's been 3 days since I lost my katten-meow, and although the crying has slowed down considerably, the ache in my chest is still the same. I still break out in tears whenever I go in the "cat room" or see a picture of him, but I did manage to make it through work all day without any issues. I think it was nice for me to get away from the house, seeing as though every time I'm in it I feel sad all over again. I know that feeling will go away eventually, but for now it's rough. Harrison and I had a special bond that he definitely did not have with anyone else so I realize I miss him much more than others do (well, or anyone- he drove most people nuts). I sat down last night and typed out pages of memories; I've decided to do that with all of my pets since my memory is so terrible. I honestly have lost huge chunks of my life and can't for the life of me picture things from those times in my head. As much as I love Harrison, I know that memories of him will fade with everything else, and I didn't want that to happen. At least now I have a reminder.

On another note, AB and I are still hosting Thanksgiving with our families this year. I see it going one of two ways- really good or really bad. There are some personality issues within the group and some slightly negative awkward feelings. I think as long as no one makes light of losing Harrison that I will manage okay; sadly I see that being a possibility though. I'll just cross my fingers and pray that everything goes smoothly; otherwise I foresee no more hosting in the future!

Sunday, November 20, 2011


Yesterday started off productive with AB and I preparing for dinner at home with all 4 parents. We ran errands, got the house cleaned, and had the food bought and ready. As usual when we have guests, we put the cats upstairs in the bedrooms- mainly to keep them out of trouble. My younger cat Harrison was in the "cat room" where all the food, water, litter box, beddings, and toys were while Indy ran into our bedroom and settled on the bed. About an hour into visiting with parents, I heard a crash upstairs and although figuring it was a cat, went upstairs to check it out. Indy was snoozing on the bed but when I went to open the door to the cat room there was something holding it shut. My heart dropped as I pushed the door open and saw my younger cat's body motionless behind it. I shoved my way into the room, screaming for AB, and dropped down on the floor next to Harrison. His eyes were open and as I was rubbing him and pleading with him not to go he took one last breath and let go.

Everything that happened after that was a blur- partially from all the tears- but at some point we ended up at the emergency vet clinic in Cary to leave his body for cremation. Ever since I adopted Harrison from the SPCA I knew that he had cardiomyopathy of his heart and wasn't expected to live a full life. I spent the next 6 years medicating him with heart meds every night, giving him as much cat cat treats and catnip as possible, and letting him sneak outside for a munch of grass.

He had quite a personality for a cat. Despite the heart issues he was always full of energy, and his love for food was a constant battle while trying to manage his weight. He loved to lie in the sun by the doors, catch a snooze on the back of a certain chair, and sit in windows when they were opened to the outdoors. He would chase a catnip ball all over the house, get under our feet in the kitchen while begging, sit on the side of the tub when I took baths, and walk all over tables that he wasn't supposed to. He also had quite the hunter in him- as he would drop a toy mouse in the water bowl and hold it under with his paw until it "drowned". There were times in Greenville when I'd go outside and pull him down off the top of the fencing before he jumped over into unknown territory. There was even a time when I missed class because he had gotten on the roof via the shed and was walking back and forth, watching me, ignoring my calls, as if saying "haha, you can't stop me".

Yesterday AB and I had a little spat and when I went upstairs and flung myself across the bed Harrison jumped right up and flopped down next to my head, occasionally popping my face with his paw. The last time I saw him he was in the cat room diving into the big cardboard box I had saved for him from our move. When I held him and realized he really was gone, there were so many feelings that rushed through me, including guilt for putting him in the room. He had everything he needed in there, but he couldn't stand a shut door- it was always a challenge. Most likely he died of a heart attack- he'd get stressed over anything and the vet always forewarned me that stress might be what would take him away from me eventually b/c of what it did to the heart (and his heart was already weaker than normal). The guilt that maybe I could have prevented him leaving us last night by putting him in the room for a few hours also reminds me that at any point he could have left us- during my many moves, trips to the vet, a new pet in the house, etc.

He held on for 7 years, and although other people considered him evil or annoying because of his mischievous and stubborn personality, he always loved me and gave me affection when I most needed it. Harrison- I will love you and miss you always. You were my baby boy and my katten-meow and nothing can ever replace you.

Rainbow Bridge Poem
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Monday, November 14, 2011


Today was my one day off for the week, and I have to admit I was WAY more productive than I thought- which is good because usually I'm a lazy SOB. Aside from getting the house sparkling, AB and I ran some errands that needed to be done that we kept putting off (that laziness again). Yesterday I got all of the Christmas cards stuffed in the envelopes and addressed, and that alone is a feat because I usually put it off until the last minute. In years past I've written a letter to go with the cards, but since everyone getting a card came to our wedding, I'm sure they know the main highlights. I'll go back to a letter next year I'm sure.

AB and I also started planning our ski trip to Utah in February- I think it will be the first time since high school that I'm not in town for my birthday (32, not a biggy). I haven't been skiing in about 5 years so it will be an experience I'm sure.

Other than the above, we've just been enjoying the warm sunny weather with the dogs. Knowing this state, it will be gone in a day or two and replaced by an inch of ice or something.

Saturday, November 12, 2011


eating/drinking: nothing. but i did just finish homemade pumpkin spice latte

feeling: jittery- probably from the coffee b/c caffeine hates me. motivated- i want to take the dogs to umstead for a hike but ab is hard to get away from the tv, esp when nascar is on

listening: to nascar on tv (sigh)

watching: nothing. i like my nascar driver but i have no interest in watching them go around in large circles

reading: one of the dulcie o'neal books...she's a fairy. they're cheap books for the kindle

loving: the weather today- sunny and 73

disliking: there are a few things right now but in the interest of being positive, i will keep them to myself

thinking: i need to be outside

hoping: work isn't as insane next week. i picked up an extra shift on friday and it was disastrous. it also reminded me that many surgeons are socially incompetent, big-headed douche bags

wishing: for world peace and a smaller waist...and to win the lottery

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

And another...

Happy Birthday to my other sister Sam! I've decided that since both of my sisters were born in November that it must mean my parents were really happy celebrating my birth in February. If that doesn't make sense think about conception and gestation.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011


Disclaimer: This is the kind of post I write when I have extra time on my hands and spend way too much time driving and contemplating stupid shit.

So I've always liked Adele's song "Rolling in the Deep"- loved it for a while actually. AB told me months ago that he heard she wrote her entire album in a hotel room after she got dumped. Since then the radio station I listen to in the morning has been playing another one of her songs, "Someone Like You". I hate that song. You would think I could change the station when it comes on, but I hate it so much I end up listening to it...and hating it more. Why? Because it makes this awesome singer sound like a desperate, pathetic, obsessed, stalker-like woman and I hate when women make my sex look weaker than they already are (just saying). If you haven't heard the song, here are some of the lyrics- which are brief because she sings the same thing OVER and OVER again:
  • I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
    But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
    I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
    That for me it isn't over.
    Okay, who the hell shows up at their now-married ex's house in hopes that they will remember that you really are pathetic?
  • Never mind, I'll find someone like you

    I wish nothing but the best for you too
    Don't forget me, I beg
    Why would you want to find someone LIKE the one that dumped your ass? Maybe it's a sign that someone LIKE him is not the right one for you...maybe? And begging the guy not to forget you when he's now happily married? I don't think he gave a second thought about you until you started making songs about him.
Now I realize how bad this sounds complaining about a stupid song that no one is forcing me to listen to, but I figured I'd share the thoughts going through my head on my daily drive. I really need to just switch the station. And I'm not bubbling with madness under the surface (I swear)- I just don't like pathetic women.

Other random thought: I walk stupider when someone is watching me. I don't know why and I can't seem to walk normally once I realize I'm doing it.

I also realize that this post has horrible grammar. In my defense (b/c I'm usually anal about bad grammar and spelling) it's been a long week and it's only Tuesday. Yesterday I was pooped and puked on and today patients were yanking out arterial lines and bathing themselves in sprays of blood. Sigh.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Oh and...

Happy Birthday to my youngest sister Alex!


This morning I got up early, went running, took the dogs for a walk, made my lunch, and ate breakfast...all before showering to go to work. I signed up for a 5K (yes again) in April here in Raleigh so I'm hoping sometime between now and then I can work up to running 3 miles. I did it in high school, and since I have no health issues, there's no reason I can't do it again. I found a plan that has you increasing your mileage by .25 miles every week so in 9-10 weeks you can do all 3 miles (supposedly). I'm supposed to run MWF and then do something cross training-like on Saturday- I'm thinking elliptical. At the very least maybe I can drop a few pounds. I've seen myself in pictures recently and it's not pretty. That and since I haven't had kids, I don't feel like I should look like I have. Seriously. The pooch has to go.

As for writing a novel during NaNoWriMo: FAIL. (Really, who were we kidding anyways? I can't come up with a plot to save my life)

Thursday, November 3, 2011


Today I went out on a limb and decided to not do what I always do- so instead of getting a pumpkin spice latte at Starbucks, I got the [nonfat] eggnog latte. It was bad. I mean really bad. I've had eggnog before and I've had latte's before and that was a bad combination. I'm sure there are people that like it, but blech. Total waste of 440 calories. Yes you read right- the grande nonfat is 440 calories. In other words I probably gained a pound from something that, to me, tasted like crap (although I've never actually tasted crap despite those people that suggested I eat it). My suggestion- don't try the eggnog latte. Especially not if you like eggnog.