Saturday, July 31, 2010

A List

I believe at one time my sister made a list rather than writing a blog post in order to keep everyone updated. I think I'll do that also because honestly, this summer has sucked the creativeness out of me. I can't even come up with silly poetry anymore. It's sad, but all of the butt wiping has erased my mind. Following, a few updates.

-School starts August 24th. I'm actually looking forward to going back. 1. Because I won't have to work as much and 2. Because I graduate in December and August-November are the only things standing in my way.

-I did my first nurse aid shift on the psych unit last night. I get to sit there with patients who are at high risk for attempting suicide or self-mutilating. Easiest job ever. No joke. Way easier than my other unit.

-I'm reading Harry Potter again. I know no one cares, but it's something to write about myself.

-I'm going up to Bethesda in August to shadow some nurses at the National Institutes of Health (NIH). I don't think I'll end up being a research nurse, but it would be nice to know what it's like before I rule it out. And I always wanted to work at the NIH. Mainly because it just sounds cool.

-My pets are all happy and healthy. Thank God.

-I've gotten better at wakeboarding and love that my boat runs. Unfortunately the jellyfish are back at the river due to lack of rain so it may be a while before I get out on the water again. I don't fall that much anymore, but knowing there are small, squishy, intensely painful creatures waiting to sting my skin is enough to mess me up.

-Alister got us Direct TV. 200 stations and I still can't find shit I want to watch. Waste.

-I have a new addiction to pad thai. It used to be sushi but for now the noodles are doing it for me.

And that's about it. Boring, I know. I wasn't kidding when I said this summer has sucked the life- I mean creativity- out of me.

Saturday, July 24, 2010


eating: homemade bacon, egg, and cheese biscuits

feeling: tired. dead tired...just got off the night shift

listening: to the clock ticking and the cats eating

watching: nothing. too tired

reading: "the mists of avalon", "born to run", and my nclex review book. same as before

loving: that last night was my last night shift

disliking: not much...believe it or not

thinking: i cannot wait to get in my bed

hoping: that i sleep a long, long time

wishing: it would cool the heck off

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Dear Patients:

Note: This letter is HIPAA-friendly; no patient rights are being violated. Trust me, I know.

As you may have noticed, I have a difficult time working with you all sometimes...well, most of the time. I have discovered that I am in no way meant to be a nurse, or a nurse aid, but because the economy is still crap I have to take whatever job I can get. That being said, my current job is working with you all. In order to preserve what little sanity I have left, I have a few requests that I guarantee will make my job more pleasant and your stay at the hospital more restful, more safe, and will help your stay go by a little quicker.

-If you can raise your arm to scratch at your head, you can raise that same arm when I need to put the blood pressure cuff on. I should not have to lift your 20 pound arm all by myself. Whining that me lifting that arm hurts means nothing to me when 5 seconds before you were lifting it yourself anyways.

-If you can get up to go to the bathroom, eat your meals unassisted, and wheel yourself to the curb to smoke, you can help give yourself a bath. Lying there like a dead fish and expecting me to pick up and hold all of your heavy extremities is not only bad for my back, but will result in me resenting you and being rougher than necessary.

-No, I will not "go kill" your husband/boyfriend/fiancee/lover just because you're crazy and delusional. Quit asking me and quit getting mad because I say no.

-I am not paid to raise the head of your bed, change your TV channel, or dial a number on your phone simply because you are too lazy to do it yourself. I am paid to take care of you and help you get better in order to go home. I realize the hardwood flooring and flat screen TV's in your room may lead you to believe otherwise, but it's just a front. Nurse aid doesn't equal servant.

-I am required to take your vital signs every 4 hours. It is my job. I understand that it is hard to get sleep in the hospital and that being woken at 3am is unpleasant. However, your vitals are going to get taken no matter what kind of fit you throw, because I have to do my job. Your orneriness is not worth losing my job. And by the way, if you can wake up enough to yell at me, you're awake enough to let me do my job.

-If I offer to help you with a bath once, you can say no. If I ask twice, it's because you stink. Go with it.

-You have the right to refuse treatments including those silly tights, SCD's, and foot pumps. However, they're there to prevent blood clots so if you get one after refusing, I hope one day you realize it was your fault., that is, if the clot doesn't go straight to your lungs first.

-Surgery is painful. Having your hip popped out of the joint while your entire body is strapped to a table for hours is really painful. I know you're in pain. I have no pain tolerance myself. However, if you ELECTED to have an orthopedic surgery, you have to have known it would hurt. Yelling at me, throwing things at me, and threatening me because you're in pain will just make me avoid you. And I can avoid you because I'm NOT the nurse with your pain meds.

-If you refuse to let me in your room after 9pm to do my job, I refuse to come help you when you hit that call bell after 9pm.

-If you have a bowel movement, and can feel it, please warn me before I go down south to clean you up. I don't appreciate poo on my arms. I especially don't appreciate poo on my arms considering my salary. Also, laying in poo because you don't want to make the effort to move is not a good decision; urine and poo on your skin for long periods of time cause severe skin breakdown. You only need one hole in your backside, not 4 or 5.

-I am 150 pounds. You are 275. Please stop leaning on me, pulling on me, or expecting me to catch you when you get tired of standing. Believe it or not, massive back injuries aren't under our job description.

-The hospital is never quiet. It may be slightly quieter at night than during the day, but it's still fully staffed, there are patients that need constant care, the phones will be ringing, and the lights outside your room will be on. It's not going to change. Seriously. The quicker you cooperate and get better, the quicker you can get out and go home to sleep in your dark, quiet house. Think about it.

-If you call me to come in and do something, put down the damn phone and let me do what you called me in for. Also, complaining about me and/or the nurses on the phone while I'm standing there is just a really bad idea. We have the catheters, needles, and pain-lowering devices...I don't suggest being THAT tacky and rude.

-If you have 10 different children from 5 different women, all of whom insist on coming to visit you in the hospital and all of whom think they're your wife, need way more help than the fact that you can't pee when your catheter is out.

-Please don't stick your finger in your own butt to try and dislodge poop that isn't even there. That's just wrong, in many different ways.

I can probably think of a few more things I'd love for you to know, but I think this is a good bunch of goals to start with.

Your over-worked, worn-out, underpaid, no BS-tolerating Nurse Aide

Wednesday, July 7, 2010


eating: nothing...although some shrimp, crabs, and scallops would be especially yummy right now

feeling: hot...i don't know if anyone has noticed, but it is HOT outside

listening: to the fan blowing and the dogs snoring

watching: nothing. i don't have cable and am not in the mood to re-watch any movies. i don't watch tv much anymore anyways

reading: "the mists of avalon", "born to run", and my nclex review book. i have a short attention span so i must read multiple things at once

loving: that my boat runs

disliking: this horrid heat. only having done 8/25 blood draws that i need to have completed by tomorrow
thinking: boy, am i lazy. the dogs need a walk but it's too damn hot. i just want to go to the river this weekend

hoping: that working nights aren't as bad as some people say

wishing: it would cool the heck off